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Anxiety and Your Brain

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When you’re really anxious, your thinking center may strink to the size of a pinto bean, says noted Relationship expert Dr. Harriet Learner. It’s obviously hard to feel good about yourself when anxiety disrupts memory and concentration, leaving you unable to read, write, study, analyze, or take in new information.

Her next declaration is a telling picture into the bold impact anxiety has on a person. “Anxiety scrambles the brain in ways that leave us feeling helpless and self-doubting (ok so we’re familiar with these culprits, but wait), –when you’re anxious you experience catastrophic thinking. Doom and gloom fantasies tend to permeate your day, and reach a fever pitch when you’re lying in bed. Your anxious mind, saddled with far too much free time in the wee hours of the morning, will hook on to some dire, worst-case scenario frequently on the subject of personal finances, health, your child’s future, or the state of the world. And a slew of other issues not mentioned above. 

Anxiety can also destroy your capacity to tolerate ambiguity and complexities. We tend not to be able to see both sides of an issue, much less six or seven sides. Objective thinking becomes stunted, frozen, or your brain simply shuts down. Dr. Lerner says the most devastating part to you is your inability to see the many sides of your own self. “You” get lost in the equation, or should I call it, [Your best self] gets lost.  You tend to get locked into a narrow view of who you are, and lose sight of your own possibilities.

You’ve probably heard the saying “What you focus on grows.” If the saying is new to you,  it’s okay, the important thing for you to know is that IT IS TRUE. Since anxiety shrinks our brain center it makes sense that higher-thinking becomes compromised. When the thoughts we begin thinking are not healthy, by focusing on them allows them to appear real. The lesson to take away is, when a low thinking thoughts (from anxiety) enter your mind, redirect them to higher-thinking thoughts (the better part of who you are thoughts.)

Another noted and well-respected author, Susan Jeffers assesses the impact of anxiety this way. “Anxiety activates the little chatter-box in our heads that spews out catastrophic scenarios and serious doubts about our ability to cope, do new things, and handle whatever life brings. It drives our “lower-self” thinking, which Spurs us to operate from our most reactive self. So if you want to give a dinner party, take a new class, finish your degree after 20 years or get your high school diploma as an adult, your anxiety mind will immediately counter with several reasons why you’re inadequate to the tasks and shouldn’t try it or, for that matter, even think about it for another moment. Sound familiar? Don’t fall prey  this.

You matter. What you think matters.

Don’t compare. Appreciate.

Anxiety affects everyone. Focus on it and it grows.

Be your best-self by thinking higher-self thoughts.

Anxiety does NOT have to win. You CAN.

 

*The above post is a portion of  The Dance of Fear by, Dr. Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.. Emphasis added by Tamara L. Daniels The Growth Motivator.

**Anger Management classes held monthly, half-day format at Argosy University. Email: angerundercontrol@yahoo.com or 310.288.6868

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Helpful Ways of Dealing with Anger

·         DO acknowledge that you are angry. It is important that you know how to recognize that you are angry, and give yourself permission to feel it.
·         DO calm yourself before you say anything. In the previous discussions, we saw how there is a biological reason why anger can feel overwhelming — our body is engaged in a fight or flight response. It helps then to defer any reactions until you have reached the return to normal/ adaptive phase of the anger cycle.
·         DO speak up, when something is important to you. This is the opposite to ‘keeping it all in.’ If a matter is important to you, so much so that keeping silent would just result in physical and mental symptoms, then let it out.DO explain how you’re feeling in a manner that shows ownership and responsibility for your anger. Take ownership and responsibility for your feelings. This makes the anger within your control (you can’t control other people).

 

Identify Your Hot Buttons Anger_hotbutton graphicHot buttons differ from person to person. Our personal histories influence what would make us angry. Some triggers are caused by conditioning, modeling, and unresolved issues.

A key to seeing if a hot button is the real cause of the anger, or just a trigger, is to see if your anger reaction is proportionate to what the situation calls for. If you’re angrier than you should be, perhaps there is an underlying emotional issue that needs to be surfaced.

*Understanding Anger Workshops held monthly on a half-day format. $49/$5 materials

For registration info go to Anger Workshop and SELECT “Which Workshop, Tele-seminar, Supplemental or Refresher Training class would you like to register for?”

 

 

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Positive Parenting: In Honor of Father’s Day

POSITIVE PARENTING

American SPCC supports healthy parent-child relationships, and is a strong proponent of non-violent, positive parenting. We hope to help break the cycle of child maltreatment and violence, and have a positive effective on the well-being of children and families.

There is no doubt that parenting can be rewarding and exhausting all at the same time. The process of parenting is a full-time job, full of joys, trials, challenges, and triumphs. No parent is perfect. However, good parents take their parenting roles seriously, and are empowered to learn and develop their positive parenting skills. They accept responsibility for the total healthy development of their child, and good parents act as a positive role model. They mentor and guide their child through childhood to a successful adulthood.

What is the Definition of a Parent?

According to the Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, a parent is described as ” a protector or guardian,” “to be or act as parent of: to parent children with both love and discipline,” and, “a person who brings up and cares for another.”

What are 3 Major Parenting Goals?

  1. Ensuring children’s health and safety
  2. Preparing children for life as productive adults
  3. And, transmitting cultural values3
    (Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology)

According to the American Psychological Association, a high-quality parent-child relationship is critical for healthy development.

4 Key Points to Positive Parenting Success:

  • An Effective Parent
    Your words and actions influence your child the way you want them to.
  • A Consistent Parent
    You follow similar principles or practices in your words and actions.
  • An Active Parent
    You participate in your child’s life.
  • An Attentive Parent
    You pay attention to your child’s life and observe what goes on.

From Adventures in Parenting. Click here to download a complete pdf copy.
Courtesy of Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.

What are the Benefits of Positive Parenting?Parenting-Positive-Happy-Mother-Child

Positive parent-child relationships provide the foundation for children’s learning. With parents’ sensitive, responsive, and predictable care, young children develop the skills they need to succeed in life1. Early parent-child relationships have powerful effects on children’s emotional well-being (Dawson & Ashman, 2000), their basic coping and problem-solving abilities, and future capacity for relationships (Lerner & Castellino, 2002). From Positive Parent-Child-Relationships. Click here to download a complete pdf copy. Courtesy of HHS,gov and The National Center on Parent Family Community Engagement.

Like to read more from them? Click link below

http://americanspcc.org/parenting/positive-parenting/?gclid=CLW6gKnisc0CFZY1aQodHPEA3A

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ABC’s of Visitation Orders: What Every Parent and Monitor Should Know

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What is violation of a visitation order?

Violation of a visitation order occurs when one party fails to comply with the terms and provisions set forth in a court-approved child custody/visitation order.  Violations of visitation orders are usually treated very seriously, as the child’s safety or well-being may be endangered through such violations.

Violation of a visitation order may be different than a violation of an informal visitation agreement.  In general, a visitation order is usually approved by the court and is enforceable under law.  Violating it may lead to legal penalties and consequences.  On the other hand, a mere agreement between the parties may not have the full backing of the court’s approval, especially if the agreement was never written down or presented to a judge.

What are some ways that a visitation order can be violated?

Visitation orders can be violated in many different ways.  While state regulations may be different from state to state, violations may include:

  • Overstaying a visit with the child
  • Withholding visitation from the non-custodial parent
  • Not dropping off or picking the child at the correct place/time
  • Attempting to change the visitation schedule
  • Attempting to reduce visiting time of non-custodial parent without courts permission
  • Allowing someone else to pick up the child without authorization from the court
  • Attempting to visit or contact the child at non-appointment times

In some cases, changes to the visitation schedule may need to be made for legitimate reasons.  In such instances, the parties should file to modify the visitation order, rather than attempt to change it without the court’s knowledge or supervision.

What are the consequences of violation of visitation orders?

The legal consequences for violating a visitation order can include:

  • Contempt of court (any willful disobedience or disregard for a court order)
  • Criminal consequences (this usually happens as a result of repeated violations)

Also, repeated violations of visitation orders can also affect the violating party’s rights in other areas, such as their right to custody in the future.  If the party keeps violating a court ordered visitation schedule, it will be reflected in their record and may cast them in a negative light in future court hearings.  Thus, violations of visitation orders should be avoided at all costs.

What can you do when a visitation order is violated?

Parents usually violate a visitation order by keeping a child for too long or failing to pick up a child at the right time. You have many options to use if your court order is being violated. Here are a few options:

  • Call the police: Call the police if you are unable to resolve the issues on your own.
  • Seek Legal Assistance: Alert your attorney about the violations. Your attorney can send a letter notifying the other parent about legal penalties for not obeying the court order.
  • File a Motion with the Court: You can file a motion for contempt of court if the other parent continues to violate the court order. You can also request attorney’s fees and other costs with this motion.

What could happen if a parent disobeys a child custody court order?

Disobeying a court child custody order may result in harsh consequences:

  • Non-violating parents could petition the court for enforcement of the order.
  • Violating parents may need to appear in court and explain why they violated the court order.
  • The court could find the violating parent in contempt of court, which could lead to jail time.
  • The violating parent could also lose custody rights previously granted by the court.

What are some of the biggest mistakes parents make regarding visitation orders:

    1. Violating the court order willfully or with disregard
    2. Withholding visitation
    3. Repeatedly changing visit schedule for your social or personal needs
    4. Speaking derogatory about other parent
    5. Discussing court case with children
    6. Coaching children to act a certain way or say a certain thing with the other parent
    7. Interviewing children during or after a visit

 

  • For more information regarding visitation or custody orders, please visit http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/contempt-of-court-lawyers.html

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Parent Abducts Child While On a Supervised Visit at The Grove, Xmas eve.

SCV logo As I have always stated in my training classes, “All money isn’t SAFE money, or good money. Rejecting cases is a safety protocol.” This same parent contacted me for services and after he shared his objections to the Uniform Standards of Court 5.20 (Guidelines for visitation) I refused to offer my services. The case represented 10 hours per week. Sound tempting? Don’t allow money to be your sole criteria for providing services.

Tuesday,  December 29, 2015 07:05AM

FAIRFAX DISTRICT, LOS ANGELES (KABC) —

A 2-year-old girl who was allegedly abducted by her father during a supervised visit near The Grove on Christmas Eve has been found safe in Palm Springs and reunited with her mother.

Jack Perry, 31, was arrested in Palm Springs shortly after 9:30 p.m. Monday night after a witness called the Van Nuys Police Station. The witness recognized Perry and his daughter, Lucia Perry, from a community flier she had seen. She alerted police to their whereabouts in the Palm Springs area and the suspect was taken into custody. The suspect had allegedly rented an apartment on Sunday using a fictitious name. Perry abducted Lucia on Christmas Eve, police said. The person who was supervising the visit lost sight of the pair in the 100 block of The Grove Drive in the Fairfax District at about 5 p.m. Authorities were worried that Perry would take Lucia out of the country since he has access to private aircraft and had threatened to do so before. Perry was booked on child abduction charges. He’s being held in lieu of $40,000 bail. No further details were immediately released.

http://abc7.com/news/2-year-old-girl-abducted-by-father-found-safe-in-palm-springs/1139196/

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The $ and #’s Impacting Domestic Violence

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  • Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.
  • Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.
  • The costs of intimate partner violence in the US alone exceed $5.8 billion per year: $4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly $1.8 billion.
  • Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.
  • 63% of all boys who commit murder kill the man who was abusing their mother.

 

  • In a national survey of more than 6,000 families in the United States, half of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently abused their children.

 

  • Long-term exposure to battering can result in delinquency, higher rates of substance abuse, propensity to use or tolerate violence in future relationships, and a pessimistic view of the world.

 

  • Short-term effects of children’s exposure to domestic violence can include post-traumatic stress disorder, sleep disturbances, separation anxiety, aggression, passivity, or desensitization to violent events.

 

  • Eighty-five percent of assaults on spouses or ex-spouses are committed by men against women with an estimated 3.3 million children exposed nationally to violence by family members against their mothers or caretakers each year.

 

  • At least 75% of children whose mothers are battered witness the violence.

 

  • In one study, forty-seven percent (47%) of homeless parents reported a history of domestic violence and one in four stated that a primary reason they sought shelter was domestic violence.

 

  • It is estimated that there are 1.35 million homeless children in the US; nearly half of these are under the age of 5.
  • Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
  • Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
  • Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
  • Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
  • Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
  • Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

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Behaviors of Batterers That May Impact Supervised Visitations

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If, after conducting an intake, the Provider accepts a referral for visitation in a domestic violence case, it is important to identify behaviors that may subsequently impact visitation. It is critical to keep in mind that the goal of providing supervised visitation services, including Provider exchanges, is to provide a safe, neutral setting for parent-child access. If this cannot be accomplished, the visitation program must not accept the referral.

The following are behaviors sometimes used by batters that may affect a program’s ability to provide safe visitation:

  • Threats of violence toward the victim. This may include verbal abuse as well as attempted or actual physical assault.
  • Threats of violence toward children. This may include verbal abuse, threats, attempted or actual physical abuse, kidnapping.
  • Using visitation to send messages to the victim through the children.
  • Stalking the victim and children upon arriving or departing from visitation program. This can be done in person or through a third party family member or friend.
  • Intimidating children to reveal their current living arrangement, their custodial parent’s activities, their phone numbers.
  • Testing or violating staff or volunteers.
  • Intimidating visitation staff or volunteers.
  • Pitting one staff member against another to encourage divisiveness.
  • Requesting “special” privileges, such as unsupervised time with children.
  • Denial or minimization of abusive behavior (“It’s all a misunderstanding.”).
  • Blaming other parent for necessity of having to use visitation services.
  • Attempting to bring weapons (guns, knives, etc.) into program.
  • Threats or attempts to commit suicide.

Reducing Risk and Enhancing Safety for Visitation Providers

The point at which visitation services are ordered is often the period of greatest risk to the victim and children. Research indicates that victims leaving violent relationships face the greatest risk of death or serious injury in the period following separation. To enhance victims’ and children’s safety, programs should structure services in the following ways:

 

  • Providing well-designed security arrangements on site. This may include a formal policy for using on- site law enforcement officers, panic buttons to alert local law enforcement to problems, and other tools that staff are thoroughly trained in using, such as weapon detectors;
  • Having a safety plan in place for each family. This plan includes initial and ongoing identification of the risks to each member of the family;
  • Ensuring that perpetrators and victims do not come in contact with each other during visitation or Providers exchanges;
  • Arranging for separate arrival and departure times for victims and perpetrators;
  • Intervening in the visit if perpetrator denies, minimizes, or blames his or her partner for violence;
  • Reporting to the referring court any incident which affects the safety of program participants or staff; and
  • Requiring victims to bring a copy of their injunctions for protection for program records.

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Hope & Hopelessness – A Mental Health/Ministerial Call To Action

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1. Each year millions of people look to the Internet for ANSWERS to their deepest HURTS & LONGINGS.

2. Google sees more than 4 MILLION queries in search of HOPE.

3. More than 22 MILLION Americans ages 12 and older abuse or are addicted to DRUGS & ALCOHOL.

4. 21 MILLION Americans struggle with DEPRESSION, and 39,000 commit SUICIDE each year.

5. An estimated 40 MILLION people in the U.S. feel trapped or crippled BY FEAR.

6. Treatment Options:

a) Last Year, more than 1.6 MILLION PEOPLE found New Hope in JESUS CHRIST through the Global Ministries of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (BGEA).

b)  Mental health is one of your greatest assets. It helps you focus at work, overcome obstacles, get along with the people around you—and get well and stay well.  Find out more at http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/living-well.

*If you know someone suffering from HOPELESSNESS, help them FIND a QUALIFIED and TRAINED counselor, minister or therapist who can provide encouragement, support and HOPE for them to lead a HEALTHY & HAPPY LIFE.  https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/hope-for-hurting-hearts-ministry-encouragement/

*The above statistics were provided by The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (BGEA). For more information on how to become involved visit http://www.billygraham.org.

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Crime Watch Daily – Interview with Josh Powell’s Sister

Hello Visitation Network Community!

Most of you, recall the Josh Powell tragedy. This story outlines the reality of what can happen while providing visitation services, whether on-site or off-site. Supervised Visitation is a SERIOUS part of Family Law Custody cases. Professional Providers MUST adhere to safety and security protocols. The Uniform Standards of Court 5.20 require ALL Providers implement safety procedures for visitation cases, contingent on the nature of conflict with each case.  This is just one of the many guiding principles and requirements to serve as a Provider.

Thanks to an email received today, via Stephanie N. from the October 2015 Effective Supervised Visitation Monitor© training, I was made aware of the interview with non other than the sister of Josh Powell.

The interview was aired October 27, 2015 on Channel 5 at 5:00pm. Below is the link where you may view the entire interview shown on Crime Watch Daily.

http://crimewatchdaily.com/2015/10/27/exclusive-josh-powells-sister-speaks-about-family-tragedy/

Safety and Security involves many guiding principles; one of them MUST be rejecting cases. There is protection in rejection. Agencies, court orders and provider’s must do everything possible to ensure safety. A Provider must consider safety for him/herself first and then for the children (if the Provider is not safe, the children cannot be safe). As a Visitation Trainer, I encourage Providers to practice this principle and to remember that “all money is NOT safe money.”

 

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Keep the Children Safe this Halloween

Choose Costumes Carefully

  • Select flame-resident labels.
  • Look for bright colors and add reflective tape to treat bags and shoes.
  • Non-toxic makeup assures greater visibility than masks.
  • Avoid costumes that are too long and keep large or sharp accessories home.
  • Pass up on monster shoes or high heels and instead send the kids out in well-fitting shows that lace up.

Sit your Child down for a Serious Halloween Safety Talk

  • Stay with your group and don’t go out alone.
  • NEVER enter a stranger’s car or home.
  • Stick with your planned route.
  • Don’t eat any treats until you come home.
  • Don’t run – walk and stay in well-lit areas.
  • Take along your cellphone and a glow stick or flashlight.

*Children under age 10 should be supervised by an adult.

Prepare Yourself for Safety Too

  • Make your home, yard and driveway safe for visiting princesses and action heroes. Keep candle-lit pumpkins away from steps and walks – better yet, invest in some battery-operated lights. Remove obstacles like lawn chairs and dog chains that can cause tripping.

*You can find more Halloween safety tips at Safekids.org Thanks to Hedding Law Firm for sharing these safety tips. Need a Defense Attorney? Visits www.topcriminalattorneyla.com