If you’re reading this, chances are supervised visitation has been ordered in your family case. That may feel intimidating, confusing, or even discouraging. You’re not alone. Many parents in California find themselves in the same position—wanting to maintain a relationship with their child but needing to do so under the structure and safety of court-ordered supervision.

Supervised visitation isn’t a punishment. It’s a tool the courts use to protect children while giving parents the opportunity to continue building a relationship. For some families, it’s a temporary bridge toward greater freedom. For others, it’s an important safeguard that creates a safe environment for connection.

This guide is designed to help you navigate supervised visitation with confidence. It will explain what to expect, how to prepare, and how to make the most of your time with your child. You’ll learn about the role of monitors, the importance of situational awareness, strategies for handling emotions, and ways to show the court you’re making positive progress.

Most importantly, this guide will give you practical tools you can use immediately—checklists, communication tips, and ideas for creating positive, child-centered visits.

Supervised visitation may not be easy, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. With preparation, patience, and perspective, you can use this time to strengthen your bond with your child and take meaningful steps toward a healthier future.

Written by, Tamara Daniels

‘Situational Awareness’: Part II

Understanding Supervised Visitation

Supervised visitation means that visits between a parent and child take place in the presence of a third party—known as a monitor. The monitor’s job is to provide a safe environment, enforce the rules set by the court, and document what happens during visits.

Courts in California may order supervised visitation for reasons such as:

• Safety concerns (past abuse, neglect, or domestic violence).
• Substance abuse or mental health issues.
• Long absences from a child’s life.
• High-conflict custody situations.

It isn’t always permanent—it’s often a stepping stone toward more unsupervised time once trust and safety are established.

Types of Supervised Visitation:

• Professional monitors – trained and paid to follow California’s Family Code standards.
• Non-professional monitors – approved family or friends who act as neutral supervisors.
• Visitation centers – structured facilities with staff to oversee visits.

The legal foundation comes from California Family Code §3200.5, which sets training and safety standards for professional monitors.

Written by, Tamara Daniels

The Role of the Monitor

Monitors are the neutral third party in supervised visitation. Their responsibilities include:

• Ensuring safety.
• Enforcing court orders.
• Documenting visits factually.
• Remaining neutral—they don’t give opinions or make custody decisions.

What Monitors Don’t Do:

• They’re not therapists.
• They’re not judges.
• They don’t recommend custody outcomes.

Professional monitors undergo formal training. Non-professional monitors are usually trusted family or friends, but they must also enforce the rules strictly.

Written by Tamara Daniels

Situational Awareness and Why It Matters

Monitors use situational awareness—paying close attention to what’s happening, interpreting cues, and acting before problems escalate.

This allows them to:

• Protect your child’s comfort.
• Enforce rules.
• De-escalate tension.
• Keep the environment safe.
• Write accurate reports.

Parent Checklist: Dos and Don’ts

DO:

• Stay child-focused.
• Notice your child’s cues.
• Stay calm and follow redirection.
• Model patience and attentiveness.

DON’T:

• Discuss the court case or other parent.
• Make promises you can’t keep.
• Pressure or criticize your child.
• Argue with the monitor.
• Get distracted by phones or stress.

Written by Tamara Daniels

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Questions

1. What is one key component of effective communication with children?
2. How can parents encourage positive behavior in their children?
3. Why is consistency important in parenting?
4. What is the impact of setting clear boundaries for children?
5. Name one effective way to handle a child’s temper tantrum.
6. How can parents model good behavior for their children?
7. What role does active listening play in effective parenting?
8. Why is it important for parents to spend quality time with their children?
9. How can parents help their children develop a strong sense of self-worth?
10. What is the benefit of using positive reinforcement in parenting?

Answers

1. Active listening.
2. Through positive reinforcement, such as praise and rewards.
3. Consistency helps children understand expectations and feel secure.
4. Clear boundaries help children understand limits and learn self-discipline.
5. Stay calm, acknowledge the child’s feelings, and redirect their attention.
6. By demonstrating the behaviors they want their children to adopt.
7. It shows children that their thoughts and feelings are valued, fostering trust.
8. Quality time strengthens the parent-child bond and promotes emotional well-being.
9. By offering encouragement, praise, and supporting their interests.
10. Positive reinforcement reinforces desired behaviors, making them more likely to be repeated.

Learning and applying effective parenting skills is crucial for fostering a healthy, supportive, and nurturing environment for children. Parenting and co-parenting, when approached with understanding and consistency, can profoundly impact a child’s development, self-esteem, and overall well-being.

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Efforts, compassion and commitment by Sandy Ross received recognition by the Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Council and Peace over Violence. Sandy was instrumental in getting “Piqui’s” Law passed. Governor Newsome signed it into Law, Friday, October 13th. I guess bad luck turned out to be ‘Good’.

* The Crisis *

* The Potential *

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Seeking a change in custody or visitation is a long process. It is a big commitment-both emotionally and financially. If you choose to seek a change, it is important to know that the process can take several months.

If you begin your action a few weeks before the holidays, it is unlikely that you will get custody during that same holiday season. However, don’t be discouraged by the bureaucratic roadblocks; your efforts will be rewarded for years to come as you play a larger role in your child’s life.

Establishing and Enforcing visitation

Obtaining a Modification of Visitation/Custody

Obtaining modification begins by filing an Order to Show Cause (OSC) for modification with the court. The order is served upon the former spouse. If it is to your advantage, you may wish to concurrently file for a change in child support. You will need to attach a written declaration to your OSC detailing the reasons you seek the modification.

There is additional information to the article. Please go to https://www.cadivorce.com.

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• Direct Services For Victims of Crime:
• Chidlhelp National Child Abuse Hotline – www.childhelp.org hotline – 800-4 A Child
• Mothers Against Drunk Driving – www.madd.org – 877-MADD-HELP
• Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network – www.rainn.org – 800-656-HOPE
• See Something, Say Something. Then DO SOMETHING.

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Sadly, we live in a world made up of many ‘split’ families. Parents are either separated, divorced or in extreme cases, one parent simply moves on and forgets they ever had a child.

Trying to co-parent with a ‘parent’ that is mentally unstable can be extremely difficult. Often times, one parent is responsible for the child while the other parent ‘thinks’ and truly ‘believes’ they too are responsible for the child, yet they don’t seem to show up to the party.

As the responsible parent, how do you deal with this? Well, you fight through it, stay true to your child/children and always put them first.

Here are some signs that may help you distinguish whether or not you are dealing with a sociopathic individual and ways to deal with the hardships of that realization. 

• Lack Of Remorse – They hurt people, especially their children without a care in the world.
• Liars – They lie about anything and to anyone and do so very casually.
• Lack Empathy – They are like stone inside. On the outside they appear to care, but within they most certainly do not.
• Incapable Of Loving – They are unable to love others, and it is apparent to those close to them. To outsiders they will appear to be the most loving people on the planet, but this is very untrue. These types of people will not show affection to their children. They will not hug, kiss or say I love you. Most often times, their affection will be in the form of sexual contact with a partner, with the sexual contact being the extent of their ‘love’.
• Egocentric – They love being the center of attention. Often times they will talk their lives up in person and on social media, making it appear as though their life is wonderful, fulfilling and amazing!
• Delusions Of Grandeur – They often feel superior to others.
• Never Wrong, Always Right – No matter what the situation at hand, their opinion is always correct. They have an answer for everything and even though they may clearly be in the wrong, they believe whole-heartedly that they are right.
• Selfish – Their lives come first. Their relationships come first. Their jobs, their playtime, their entire world comes first before their children.

How to Deal with a Sociopath

You need to be wary when dealing with a person with sociopathic tendencies. Here are a few things to watch out for when dealing with a loony.

• Practice the Rule of Threes

Only give someone 3 chances. After that, it’s best to cut your losses and run. One mistake such as a lie, a broken promise or a neglected responsibility should be forgiven since it could be a misunderstanding. The second mistake could be a serious mistake. The third strike should be the final one. Cut ties with them completely. This may be hard to do when children are involved, but if you are dealing with a sociopath and have been for some time… it won’t ever change and this will cause more stress and harm to your child that the pain of one parent walking away.

• Avoid Them

When you realize you are dealing with someone who could be a sociopath, make a point of staying away from them. Do not try to cure them or beat them at their own game, you will never ‘win’. Again, this may be hard to do if you are co-parenting, just try your best to keep contact to a minimum. This will allow you to breathe and minimize stress for you and your child.

• Don’t Try To Reform Them

With studies showing that efforts at curing sociopaths with therapy do not bear fruit, it is best to leave them alone. They will only waste your time and use the sessions to sharpen their conning and conversational skills. You simply cannot cure a sociopath. Only a person who has some humanity in them can be reformed. Those devoid of a conscience are beyond reform.

• Keep It to Yourself

How to deal with a sociopath? Do not confront the sociopath about their behavior and your plan to cease interaction. This will only backfire on you.

• Refrain from Accusations

Do not try to accuse them of any wrongdoing. They won’t respond well and it might turn into a fight. You will lose more than they will.

• Hold Back Your Emotions

A sociopath wouldn’t want to hear about our feelings especially if what you feel reflects negatively on them. Avoid getting emotional whenever you are in a confrontation with them. However, if they feel wronged by you, show them as much empathy as you would another person.

• Avoid Ultimatums And Power Plays

A sociopath will view any sort of ultimatums, emotional pressure and power plays as games or threats.

• Avoid Intrigue

Do not play mind games with a sociopath. Do not compete with them, do not try to outsmart them or even psychoanalyze them. Your focus should be on protecting yourself.

• There’s  No Right or Wrong

Don’t talk about being wrong or right. Sociopaths do not perceive right or wrong. They only understand power, and they want to have power over you.

•  Be Skeptical

Sociopaths have perfected the art of pushing people’s buttons in order to get their way with them. It is important to be on the lookout for this. How to deal with a sociopath? Make sure to stay calm and collected no matter what the person says. For example, they might tell you about a party you were not invited you just to rile you up.

• Don’t Share Personal Information

One thing you need to realize about sociopaths is that they will use anything you turn them against you. They are professional manipulators, and so you should be wary of what you share with them. Keep communication short and stick to the facts; avoiding sharing your address, your bank account, etc. Do not give your personal opinion on anything.

•  Suspect Flattery

Flattery and compliments are different, and you should learn to tell them apart. Sociopaths use flattery as a tool for manipulation.

• Avoid Pity Parties

Sociopaths have an easy time manipulating those who pity too easily. They will give you all sorts of sob stories to get you to do their bidding. If you are constantly feeling pity for someone who hurts you, then you are probably dealing with a sociopath. Stay away from them. That’s how to deal with a sociopath.

•  Get Back Up

Depending on your relationship with the sociopath, you might need professional help to keep help you recover psychologically and physiologically. This is especially so when the sociopath is unwilling to let you go. Your friends can be of great help especially if the sociopath cannot reach them or is unknown to them. This is because the sociopath can easily start spreading rumors about you to your friends in a bid to turn them against you.

Be careful out there and remember as long as you are there for your child and create a loving, healthy environment for them you and your child will have an incredible, fulfilling life. It will be the other parents loss in the end.

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Annual Holiday Gathering took off in a Fun, Festive, Fabulous way! Everyone came (dressed in Red) to celebrate and share the Holiday Spirit. They even snuck in some ‘Shop Talk’ and exchanged wisdom and experiences, business cards and ideas!

The setting was grand….The Original El Cholo’s Restaurant. The food was scrumptious, the conversation exhilarating and the after-party was Wellness Worthy.

Thank you everyone for making the 1st Annual Holiday Gathering a Success. You guys are the BEST!

From my heart to yours….

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah.  Happy Holidays! Happy New Year!

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On October 7, 2017 I attended the viewing of the Film, “What Doesn’t Kill Me, produced by Rachel Meyrick.  Watch Trailer Here. It was unimaginably eye-opening (and I serve in a field where eye-are-wide-open-regularly), yet this film  sharpened my awareness and reshaped my perspective in a VERY unexpected way.

WHO is behind unsafe custody decisions, is SHOCKING.

WHAT is happening in the US Court System, is SHOCKING.

WHEN the Court System stopped protecting children, is SHOCKING.

WHY are children (1 Million) being handed over to the UNSAFE parent, is SHOCKING.

HOW “We” as Americans did NOT see this, is SHOCKING.

CALL TO ACTION! The Need for a Federal Resolution

In the US, 58,000 children a year are court-ordered into partial or full custody with their abusive parent after their safe, protective parent attempts to protect them through the family court system.

When abuse is reported in custody cases, 60-75% of abusers gain custody; one study shows 85% of abusers gain custody in California.

Researchers have documented nearly 600 children [murdered] by a divorcing or separating parent involved in a contested custody case in the last 10 years. [600 Murdered]. Watch the film trailer and YOU decide if you are moved to Support the Federal Resolution.

1. Visit House.gov to identify your House Representative by zip code.

2. Schedule a meeting with your House Representative.

3. Stay connected with Child Advocate Groups:

protectiveparents.com  centerforjudicialexcellence.org  failuretoprotect.com

Learn More. Get Involved. Take A Stand.

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Child Abuse  (click, copy and paste into your browser) Must Be Stopped…

Get Involved

The theme for this year’s National Child Abuse Prevention Month is “Building Community, Building Hope.” Communities have a great influence in families’ lives. Everyone can get involved and play a role in preventing child abuse and neglect and promoting child and family well-being. This section provides information on getting involved to strengthen families and your community.

Get involved to strengthen your community!

Baby steps

• Meet and greet your neighbors.
• Go to a parents’ meeting at your child’s school.
• Use the Activity Calendars to plan activities in your community.

Small steps

• Set up a playgroup in your community at people’s homes or local park (consider inviting people who may not have children at home, like local seniors).
• Organize a community babysitting co-op.
• Volunteer at your child’s school through the school’s administration or the parent’s organization.
• Encourage local service providers to produce a directory of available services that are easy to find in the community.

Big steps

• Organize a community event (a block party, father/daughter dance, parent support group)
• Run for an office in the parent organization at your child’s school.
• Attend local government meetings (city council or school board meetings) and let them know how important resources are in your community. Let them know how parks, strong schools, and accessible services help to strengthen your family and other families.

Partners

Federal Inter-Agency Workgroup on Child Abuse and Neglect

National Prevention Partners

State and Local Partners

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